Shield-less Bella
by CodependentLiza
Summary: A collection (one to start, more to follow) of Twilight one-shots, re-writing canon to fit a world in which Bella is not a shield, but a sponge. See what Edward & family make of a high-feeling Bella as impaired in self-control as the original Bella was proficient in it, and later (2nd 1-shot) what happens when Rose loves Bella first. Why? Because it feels good, of course! AU,ExB
1. Chapter 1

**My little earthworm heart is breaking. (To understand more fully what I mean by that, read my Author's Note for "College Rescue," Chapter 3, posting this weekend.)**

**So here's my emotional pain-management tip of the day for you (beyond identifying as an earthworm, because apparently, even as a spineless, segmented creature able to regenerate when cut in half, rejection hurts): when your heart can't take any more pain (and yes, saying you "can't take" any more pain is definitely a neon flashing light to the universe announcing you need more pain), you can move some to your elbows. Or your hips. Fingers. Toes. Knees (although I avoid those, because they cause me problems already without hurting for my heart too).**

**Maybe it's the distraction from the root cause of the current hurting; maybe it's truly the result of stimulating from within rather than without enough of a simultaneous neural pain-message input that what you're initially feeling from your solar plexus is necessarily reduced due to limitations in the human capacity for electrical current (although I hesitate to believe there is any limitation at all to human suffering—in addition to the damn neon sign effect, poor Job and others like him who've managed less well remind us that human capacities can be overrun, maxed out, used up, thwarted).**

**Maybe imagining emotional pain redirected to your body causes no actual reduction in pain sensation at all, but merely increases pain tolerance. Increased tolerance could come from a stronger sense of positivity about oneself and the future as a result of claiming the ability to manage any pain received, whether real or imagined (the pain or the management of it). Or, maybe it's not a belief in pain management that helps, but an acceptance of the reality of the suffering, implicitly acknowledging the end of any expectation that one will not hurt in this life. And since so much of disappointment, and especially bitterness and regret, comes from expectations mismatched with reality, release from unsustainable expectations can be a great relief.**

**Whatever the explanation, this little trick has helped me a lot the past few weeks, and is helping me this morning. I'm careful, though, to try not to overuse it, as I have no problem believing that if I made it into a subconscious habit, I'd end up with inflammation or arthritis in whatever joints were drafted most regularly. So when the intensity of the current hurting moment is over, I try to breathe the pain out, not just from my chest and mind and brain, but from my whole body, focusing especially on the parts where I displaced some of the hurting that just felt like too much. **

**And in describing this, I'm thinking of another reason why this coping technique works for me: it reminds me of the physical reality of life. No matter how much I hurt in any moment, or have hurt, or will hurt, I am a temporary phenomenon on the face of the earth. My life will hurtle to its little climax (not orgasmic, I'm reasonably sure at this point), and poof! I'll be gone (or maybe pooooo-ooooo-ooooo-oooooof with lots of suffering thrown in for good effect, hard to say). So not only will my suffering, like anyone's suffering, necessarily end (I don't believe in Hell, except for Hell on Earth, because I refuse to believe that any God would be that cruel. If I turn out to be wrong on this point, I suppose all my coping techniques will be relevant to me for eternity. In a way, that's what acceptance is anyway though. God, I acknowledge I may suffer for eternity if that is what, for some reason, you desire, but please, let me be a loving person while I suffer, so that the suffering becomes just another exercise in sensation and the pain becomes transformed into the whole point of human existence as I see it: to help others live as we die.), but meanwhile, I have some very real, very prosaic tasks to do no matter how much my heart hurts right now.**

**Like laundry. And dishes. And making breakfast. And nudging my children out into the world to be whatever flora or fauna they will be today, and tomorrow, and in their future.**

**So, fellow creatures of the animal kingdom (and whatever ferns, daisies, oak trees and mosses may be reading this as well), here is my humble offering to you: two canon story skeletons in which I change only what is necessary for (in chapter 1) Bella to be less strong in repelling unwanted emotion (her superpower changing from a steel wall to a sponge, requiring more subtlety in distinguishing her from Jasper but I think it can be done), and (in chapter 2) giving Rosalie the much-deserved chance to love Bella for Bella's own self, and Bella the gorgeous opportunity to find safety, love and comfort in Rosalie (without having to introduce Renesmee). **

**As you will see, there really are only the bare bones of stories here, but I offer them to you as thought exercises in alternate realities both for the Twilight world and for our own. I hope something in them helps you today, even if it's in having a good belly laugh at how dramatically needy one little earthworm can be. (I've said that before, and I really mean it; just please, don't TELL me you're laughing. Thank you for that.)**

**Much love,**

**liza**

**p.s. One more aspect of ****_Twilight_****'s brilliance: using dramatic and emotionally-needy immortal creatures to validate the drama and emotional neediness of us. Watching New Moon was so cathartic, as I saw Bella act out my own high school experience, minus the dating a vampire who will love her eternally part. The pain though, the suffering, that was the same. It's nice to see the same suffering, even if it's given a much more logical reason for existing than I had in my own life. **

**And that is why SM had to introduce vampires: not just to give us the vicarious safety of being loved forever, with no question of loss (once Bella gets past her self-shame and Edward gets past his anger at God), but in order to provide an explanation, albeit an impossible one, for the extremity of human suffering Bella experiences. For those of us high-feelers without the rational cover of falling in love with a vampire and his coven then being left behind to face the supernatural alone, the shame of suffering to the extreme we experience as a natural result of our great sensitivity and extreme emotionality is overwhelming, and makes the suffering that much more painful, and that much more almost-impossible to escape from. **

**So even though we know Bella is no more a high-feeler (case in point: she did not, despite feeling strongly drawn to then afraid of Edward's reaction to her, either jump in his lap or run away in shame—not fear—from him and get sucked dry within the first 5 minutes of their meeting) than Edward is in our dating pool, seeing her grieve just like we do, for days or weeks or months at a time, for specific losses or simply the ambient pain in the universe, is profoundly validating at a visceral level. And seeing her healed by love is an unspeakable relief, even knowing—absolutely knowing—that we will never experience the impossible solution she is given. **

**We know we won't get vampires to save us, but thank you, Stephenie Meyer, for giving us someone to hurt the same way as we do, at least for a while. We wouldn't want her to hurt like this forever, anyway. We're glad she has Edward. I hope you, dear reader, get an Edward (or some beautiful assemblage of people and circumstance to simulate an Edward—oops! We need another new term…SE? Simulated Edward? Maybe a more mathematical twist: an A****2****IVL, or an Asymptotic Approach to Infinite Vampire Love. This takes some thinking.) too. **

**Take good care, and remember: "You are a precious object, deserving of tender care." **

**Even—no, especially!-if you are an earthworm. xo liza**

**Disclaimer: All things Twilight are the property of the marvelous Ms. Meyer. My gratitude to her for letting us experiment this way. May it all be to the good, whatever that means in your life!**

**xxxxxx**

Story genesis: shocked Edward standing immobile when Bella comes to his house to apologize/enquire after his health a few days after his disappearance post-first day in Biology. She has the same intuitive understanding of Edward and his reactions to her that canon Bella had, but unlike canon Bella, this Bella embraces the guilt and shame of it, and doesn't get angry at Edward. Instead, she inwardly writhes in shame as Edward's absences build, and finally, on the Sunday afternoon after her first week of school, she can't take the shame and uncertainty anymore and tells Charlie she needs to drive out to the Cullens to borrow a textbook from Alice, getting directions from him.

Alice sees her visit coming, has been seeing it for months it is so predictable given Bella's nature—and Edward's—and because Renee had made the decision to try and get Bella to live with Charlie instead of with her long before she actually suggested it to Bella (who of course follows through on her mother's wishes, though desperately not wanting to have to transfer schools). So Alice has had plenty of time to make sure Edward returns in time from Alaska, and to be certain that everyone else (except Carlisle) is there to help control Edward. But she's managed to block it all from Edward so that he doesn't know Bella's coming until he hears her truck and smells her.

Jasper is blown away by the strength of Bella's emotions as she arrives: intense shame as she's driving up the driveway (after searching for it for half-an-hour, despite Alice having cut the opening wider earlier that day); layered with more specific self-loathing when she gets to the house, parks the truck, and approaches the front door, before deciding she's being too embarrassingly foolish and tries to sneak away.

But Alice bursts to the front door and opens it before Bella is off the porch. Bella whirls around towards the house as she hears her name being called, both shame and fear (not for her life, but for humiliating herself) spiking and causing Jasper pain, the feelings are so intense. Although, as Jasper will try to explain later, it's more than just emotion he senses with Bella; it's spiritual experience as well.

"I'm so, so sorry," Bella says to Edward's feet, being held rigidly in place just inside the doorway, as she wrings her hands. Edward snaps out of his shock at the sound of her voice and is instantly at Bella's side, wedging himself in front of Alice on the porch.

"Why? Why are you so sorry?" he asks with great intensity, desperate to know, and undone out of any pretense of normal social behavior by her surprise appearance.

Bella stares at him as he stares at her, relieved that he is speaking to her, that he is standing next to her, that he is home; then she whispers, "To come here tonight, um, without an invitation? And to have smelled so… badly… before," now flushing with shame again at the reminder of her, in her mind, horrible faux pas. (She has since completely changed her personal hygiene routine, buying new products and washing her hair twice every shower, not to mention applying three different kinds of anti-perspirant.)

Poor Jasper had previously been inundated with Bella and Edward's combined desire for each other, Edward's lust of both kinds being especially strong, so when Bella falls back unexpectedly into overwhelming shame, he falls back with her, not having encountered a human who feels as strongly as this small girl does ever before in his vampire life.

"Do something, Edward," Jasper gasps, and Edward reaches out and strokes down Bella's trembling cheek, so carefully, not really believing she's here, lost in a trance of hope and uncertainty and his own fear and shame. But he hasn't completely blocked out Jasper's mind, and eventually registering all the pain Bella is in, Edward shakes his head to clear it, and to disagree with Bella's understanding of what has happened, and her role in it. Finally, he says so intensely to her, "I'm glad you came here, and you smelled the opposite of bad…before," then leans a little closer to her, closing his eyes and inhaling.

Bella looks up at him, his face just above hers, and Bella so trusting; so surprised. "You are? I did?" she asks, relief warring with incredulity in her tone.

Edward keeps his own eyes closed and murmurs a barely detectable "Mm-hmm," in agreement, while allowing himself to move in ever so slightly closer towards her again. By now he is definitely closer than politeness would dictate, or even remote convention.

Then, without warning to anyone, Bella throws her arms around Edward's waist and buries her head in his chest. Jasper is overwhelmed with Bella's joy at her closeness to Edward, before awareness breaks on her of how socially-inappropriate her uninvited embrace is and the shame returns, in even greater intensity.

At the rapid switch in intense emotion, from elated joy to plunging despair, Jasper blurts out "God in heaven, she's going to kill me," before retreating to another room, trying to put some distance between Bella's extreme emotions and himself. Meanwhile, Edward has frozen, fearful of hurting Bella and shocked—in a good way—by her behavior once again, and especially by her trust in him.

After a few seconds Bella starts to pull away, tears flowing. She's humiliated; not understanding her own behavior; and of course, so ashamed.

But Edward doesn't let her go, finally reacting and gathering her to him, holding her against his cold, hard chest. Bella's relief at Edward's return of her embrace is so intense Jasper groans, and is then able to reenter the living room cautiously, trying to continue reflecting her feelings towards Edward. Jasper had promised Alice he would do this, project Bella's feelings to Edward in addition to what Edward could pick up from his mind, so that Edward could have the protective benefit of them in his fight to control his bloodlust, and so that he could better understand this human whose mind he can't read.

Edward doesn't let go of Bella again.

Instead, in a vampire move so fast it would have been a blur to Bella if her eyes had been open, he scoops her up and races up the stairs with her in his arms. Attaining the relative privacy of his room, Edward carefully sits down with her in his arms in one corner of the black leather sofa.

Vaguely aware of movement, Bella opens her eyes and turns her head slightly, surprised to find herself in a darkened room, music lining the walls and playing softly from a stereo in the corner, surround speakers suspended on the walls. The music is soothing, as is the darkness, but neither is as soothing as the presence of Edward Cullen against her, under her, around her, as he oh-so-carefully holds her to himself.

Bella exhales loudly, sighing her relief, and sits up a little bit, gathering the courage to peek from under her eyelashes up at the face staring down at her with such intense concentration she immediately looks away again. He reaches up to tuck some hair behind her ear, then lets his hand linger there, stroking the backs of two fingers gently down her cheek again. She shudders, not with the cold of it but with desire and need and relief; he misinterprets though and withdraws his hand, pulling his torso away ever so slightly, and gently asks, "Are you cold?"

Bella panics at his withdrawal, as slight as it is, and stiffens, bracing herself for rejection, swallowing hard, fighting back tears. She shakes her head "No," as she starts to climb off of him and loses the battle with the tears. Edward grabs her hips as she stands, mindfully relaxing his hold after a first strong grasp from his own panicked reaction; swallowing too before saying, forcing it out in a harsh whisper, "Are you scared?"

Just as Edward snorts at what he believes to be the ridiculousness of his own question, and just before he's about to apologize for saying something so idiotic–of course she must be scared, he's behaving bizarrely, and he chastises himself severely for this while also swearing to himself that he will get his head back in the human game and not take any more chances with her safety (safety from him, safety from his kind, safety from the knowledge of who and what they are), Bella shocks him with a confused, incredulous even, "Why would I be scared?"

She's puzzling this out, trying to understand why he thinks she would be scared right now as she is saying this, and before Edward has processed his own incredulity at her lack of fear, she has come to the extremely wrong-headed conclusion that he must be making reference to the derision she would be subjected to if their peers at school could see her needy, almost-desperate behavior right now.

Predictably, shame slams into Bella with these thoughts, which makes Jasper gasp below, and curse Edward most thoroughly for whatever it was he'd done to make her–and Jasper–feel as ashamed as she does right now.

Edward hears Jasper, of course, and is so distressed by and not understanding Bella's ashamed reactions to him that he panics, going so far as to dislodge himself from the sofa, vaulting over the back of it, carefully moving at vampire speed away from this girl that he can't seem to stop hurting. He retreats into a corner of the room where he stands, hunched over, his arms wrapped around his cold torso with his unbeating heart, feeling pain, feeling self-loathing, just _feeling_ more than he ever has before.

As Bella catches up to Edward's movement and slowly turns to find him cowering in the corner, looking devastated, the shame leaves her to be replaced by concern and compassion for Edward. Jasper sits down with the strength of her reaction, but manages to whisper, "She's worried about you Ed. I mean, she's… she's consumed with, with _caring_ for you." There's a pause and then Jasper adds hoarsely, "Don't f### it up."

Edward doesn't acknowledge any of this, but feels a small bloom of hope take hold in his warming heart. The hope grows quickly as he follows Bella's movements with his eyes, watching as she lifts one of her hands, reaching out to him, then starts to walk towards him, concern radiating from her eyes and face and posture. "Edward?" she asks hesitantly, her head tilting as she closes the distance between them. "Edward, are you okay?"

By the time she finishes this question, she's standing directly in front of him and he's grinning with the joy of it, the joy of her approach, the joy of her fearless proximity to him. He manages to start to answer her, saying "I thought you—"

But he cuts himself off before he can finish the sentence, because the memory of what he did think, and what he _should _be thinking, and worse doing, now; the distance he should be keeping between them; the lies he should be telling her, covering over all his attraction to and desperate longing for her; all the very valid reasons why he should disappear from her life and never see her again, all the dangers to her that he and his family and his kind represent, come flooding back, and Edward does something he doesn't remember ever doing since the night Carlisle changed him: he cries. True, there are no actual tears, but the sobs and tremors and sheer desperation are unmistakable.

Bella responds immediately, taking him in her arms like she would a small child, pulling his head down to her shoulder and holding it there as she croons and whispers to him, petting his back, even placing a kiss or two against his upturned cheek. It is a moment beyond time, and no one in that house knows exactly how long they stand there, together, like that.

Eventually, Jasper and Alice leave quietly out the back door, Alice now confident that Edward will manage without them, Jasper unspeakably relieved to be away from the two of them and the tsunami swells of Bella's emotions. Luckily he's also happily primed to enjoy the intense intimacy with his wife in a way he hasn't for a while, having been so thoroughly reminded how precious it is, and how good it can feel.

After Edward has calmed, and stretched out Bella's closeness to him–her comforting motions, her comforting noises, her comforting smell and sound and touch and almost-taste and just her being–he reluctantly pulls slightly away and looks down at her, a hesitant, tender smile on his face. He unwraps his arms from around her and reaches up to gently hold her head, his bent fingers pressing ever so softly against either side of her face.

Bella's hopeful, questioning expression blooms into joy as she reads the warmth in his eyes and the upturn of his lips, and she spontaneously throws herself into him again in an enthusiastic embrace that is less unexpected, and therefore much better managed by Edward, than before.

Instead of going rigid with shock, this time Edward laughs, and pulls her tighter into him, rocking her back and forth a little in his arms. He hears a contented sigh and feels her collapse into him again, which he takes as his cue to sweep her back up into his arms and return to their previous place on the sofa.

He gets them settled, Bella leaning against the crook of his arm which is in turn up against the arm of the sofa, her torso against his chest, her legs curled up and tucked against his side and the sofa's back. He is surprised at how compact she can make herself, as if she wants to melt away. She does.

He sees a tiny shiver run through her, but as if to reassure Edward that it had nothing to do with fear, immediately afterwards Bella snuggles in closer and reaches one hand up to grab hold of his shirt. So instead of starting another cycle of retreat and shame, Edward smiles deeply and reaches behind him for the cashmere throw that Alice had insisted he needed months ago to "lighten the aura" in his room.

He is suspicious now that Alice had known he'd be needing it for just this reason, and, as he thinks about it, realizes she'd been maintaining more distance from him than normal for about as long. _I'll deal with her later_, he thinks, then hears Alice–who, like the others, had been unable to stay away from the unfolding drama inside the house for long–whisper-yell up to him, "Save your breath! I have no regrets, and if you're honest with yourself, and Bella, you won't either!"

Edward laughs. He is still overwhelmed, and recovering from shock, but already, he knew: Alice was right.

The peace between them was so deep and profound that neither one of them felt like disturbing it with words. So they didn't, and the late afternoon stretched into evening, and Bella's peacefulness drifted into sleep.

Edward would have sat there for as long as she slept, staring at her, memorizing every freckle and line and curve and follicle, but Alice sees Charlie getting concerned about Bella's unusual absence at dinner time and deciding to start making phone calls. She calls up to Edward after hearing no response to what he must have seen in her mind, and gets a growl for her efforts, followed by a terse hiss to "leave her alone."

Alice raises her eyebrows at this, looking at Jasper, who rolls his eyes and heads up the stairs. He finds them in quiet conversation…

"I'm sorry I behaved so rudely in biology class the other day. I hope you'll give me the opportunity to make it up to you," Edward says gently to Bella.

"You already have; and it wasn't rude. It just seemed like I did something—unintentionally, of course-that was really upsetting to you. Can you tell me what it was so I don't do it again? I really didn't mean to scare you away; I've felt really badly about that," Bella responds.

Edward half-laughs at her comment about scaring him away; then sighs, because in a way it's true, though not as true as it should have been, for her sake. But he can't see himself turning back now, no matter what his previous scruples were; and, indeed, he doesn't.


	2. Chapter 2

Bella story in which Rosalie takes her under her wing before any of them meet Edward…

Carlisle changed Edward, but was called away on a medical emergency during Edward's turning (Edward's transformation is faster than any Carlisle has seen before because of the number of and location of the places he bites Edward), and missed getting back in time. Edward, freaked out by the change in himself and the voices he's hearing, flees when he wakes up alone, and Carlisle has been looking for him ever since while still continuing his own life, though moving more frequently than he would otherwise.

Carlisle still finds and turns Esme, and then Rose, not for Edward this time but to give Esme a daughter. As a result, Rose is less bitter, though she still struggles with her maternal urges. Rose finds Emmett, and Alice and Jasper join the family too, Alice with a vision of Edward firmly in her view of the future. There's another vampire in Alice's picture of the future, a shy and sweet petite brunette, and Alice recognizes her as Bella when they meet at Forks High. Excited but not wanting to scare her off, Alice manages to keep the info to herself (except for Jasper) while still keeping an eagle eye on Bella.

Meanwhile, Bella and Rosalie get thrown together in a community-service class. Emmett is meant to be in it too, but he's late in returning from a hunting date with Jasper the first day of class winter trimester, which is also the day the class has to pick partners for their first project. The teacher insists that they partner with people who are present, in case those present never show, and Bella – a loner too, but compassionately worried about how panicked Rosalie looks without Emmett – approaches Rosalie hesitantly, asking her shyly if she wants to be her partner, at least until Emmett gets back. Rosalie is shocked in the best possible way; after a few moments, she nods curtly and they discuss the list of volunteer options, finding out they share a strong desire to work in the emergency nursery in Port Angeles. Bella hadn't been sure she could get there because her truck breaks down a lot, but Rosalie insists on driving, so they sign up for a shift that very Saturday.

During the shift, Bella helps the children feel at ease with Rosalie, and it ends up being extremely satisfying for both of them. From that point forward, Rosalie takes Bella over, becoming a second mother, and a much better one than the first one was. This causes some gossip, because they hold hands in the hall and Rose buys her lunch and walks her to and from classes, with Emmett too of course, but students tease Bella, making fun of her "lesbian lover." This stops after Rose and Emmett get wind of it, however—and not because either of them has any issue with the idea of it (Emmett's kind of turned on by the thought, though Rose is much too maternal towards Bella to be overtly sexual with her too). No, they take issue with the cruel intentions towards their favorite being on the planet (besides each other), and Bella takes issue (when they explain what's going on to her) with the ignorance behind the insults—especially because her best human friend in Forks, Angela, _is_ lesbian and has suffered horribly from the cruelty of peers at school and church.

Bella becomes a central member of the Cullen family, even having her own room there where she stays most nights, a relief to Charlie who doesn't like leaving her alone on his night shifts, and who worries about her repeating suicide attempts from earlier in her adolescence. Rose is extremely – EXTREMELY – protective of Bella, and when word comes from the Denali coven that they want to visit, she immediately plans on taking Bella away for a holiday while they are visiting. Carlisle and Esme talk her out of it however, wanting to show off their human granddaughter to their friends who have been – they point out over and over again – vegetarians longer than any of the Cullens besides Carlisle, and in some cases (the Denali sisters) longer even than Carlisle himself.

Still, Rose is worried, and Alice's somewhat non-forthcoming reassurances makes it stronger. Sure enough, when they appear, there's an extra individual in the group – a male. Rose takes an instant dislike to him, but isn't sure why until she brings Bella home after school the next day. They walk into the living room, and all of a sudden the previously-unknown-male whom Carlisle joyously recognized as his creation and with whom he's been engaging in a tentative reunion, after convincing Edward that Carlisle really hadn't meant to abandon him in the way Edward had experienced, is springing at Bella, growling viciously, eyes flashing, venom dripping, and Jasper only just manages to intercept him, followed by Emmett.

The first thing Bella understands is being thrown behind Rose so fast and strongly she ends up with broken ribs. She looks up and sees Jasper and Emmett barely restraining a stranger who appears intent on lunging at _her_, which makes no sense whatsoever. But that's what is happening. She asks in a faint voice, "What's wrong?" but Rosalie doesn't turn to answer her until all the men in the room, and two of the Denali women too, have wrestled Edward out of the house. Alice, Carmen and Esme join Rose in guarding Bella, and escorting her up to her room, which is immediately boarded up with steel sheeting and rivets that Alice had acquired ahead of time and stashed in the basement.

Rose is devastated to find she has injured Bella in trying to protect her, and she's ready to kill Edward, but Bella comforts her and tells Rose why she has nothing to be ashamed of but instead how much comfort Bella has taken in Rose's love for and protection of her.

The Cullens have never acknowledged to Bella out loud what they are, and Bella has never asked, simply taking their differences – which they expose more and more honestly to her over time – for granted and not pushing them for explanations, that she senses intuitively they can't, or don't want to, offer. Now, however, she's perplexed and horribly certain that she's done something wrong to trigger this incomprehensible situation. So when she wakes up in the middle of the night and finds herself alone in the room (Jasper is guarding her from outside the house, Emmett is supposed to be standing guard outside her room but has migrated downstairs to the doorway of the living room where Rose is arguing for Edward's immediate banishment during a family meeting with Carlisle, Esme, Alice and the Denali coven present, including Edward), she walks quietly down to the meeting herself.

Edward has been allowed back in the house, to Rose's outrage, after swearing to his ability to control himself. He explains that he was simply caught off-guard by a desire stronger than any he had ever known, but now could manage to control the bloodlust he feels surge again being merely in the same house as his singer. He is surprising himself with how loath he is to leave the Cullens, knowing that his comfort in finding his sire and the explanation – more palatable than he would have expected – for the seeming abandonment by his creator is only part of the reason why he doesn't want to leave. He can't understand exactly why he is so certain he has to see the little human again, but he is, and he uses all his skills in trying to convince the Cullens to give him a second, highly-supervised chance.

They don't understand either, however, why he doesn't just leave, waiting the relatively-short vampire time for their human child to have moved on or died… though this incident has triggered more open reflecting on each of their various ideas about what should happen to Bella next, and they start fighting among themselves. Emmett shocks Rose by advocating for Bella's immediate transformation; he's developed a fatherly love for her that makes him not want to lose her ever, and he dreads the effect on Rosie of losing her too. Alice is looking like the proverbially canary-filled cat, and keeps saying things like "we should wait and see," and even Esme and Carlisle reluctantly admit that they had talked together about how nice it would be if there was some way that they could ethically "keep her."

Rose is shocked, and feels completely undermined, especially by the part of her own self that is agreeing with everyone else and wants Bella to be her little girl forever. Feeling this way herself makes her reaction to everyone else even more intolerant, and she is screaming at them about how selfish and egotistical and immoral and wrong they all are, even her beloved Emmett, when Bella walks in, managing to surprise Rosalie alone among all the vampires, so focused is Rosalie on her own outrage and fear.

"Rosie, what's wrong?" says Bella's soft voice as her hand lands on Rose's arm. Rose turns instantly, clasping Bella in her arms, and crying "No, you can't have her! Leave her alone!" as she sweeps Bella up and carries her back to Bella's room. Rose keeps Bella in there for days, holed up, the others visiting alone or in pairs trying to get Rose to calm down and at least consider other possibilities, trying to reason with her about how Charlie is beginning to think something strange is up and wants to see his daughter, and missing any more school is going to be a problem, and exposure is going to be an even bigger problem if it gets to the point where the Cullens are accused of kidnapping.

Finally, with Jasper and Emmett in attendance holding on to his arms and Alice dancing in the background, Edward is allowed (by Carlisle) admittance into the room. Rose goes rigid and glares at him, hissing. Edward ignores her and addresses Bella.

"I just wanted you to know, I am very, very sorry for the way in which I behaved the first day we met. I assure you it is not my usual manner, and I hope that you might consider giving me another chance to behave in the civil and respectful fashion that a lady such as yourself so greatly deserves."

Bella blushes, making Edward's bloodlust spike but not even causing him outwardly to bat an eyelash, to Jasper's relief. She speaks around Rose's spread arms in front of her, saying quietly, "Please, don't apologize. I'm sure I did something—"

Edward breaks in, saying vehemently, "You did nothing. It was me, all me, and I am truly sorry. Please, accept my apology?" he ends gently, approaching nearer without even realizing it.

"Of course I do, but it really isn't necessary. I just want you all to be happy, and it seems like I'm the reason you're not right now. I'm trying to talk Rose into letting me go home to Charlie so that you all –"

Edward breaks in again. "No! You must not!" Then he catches himself, and, with effort, calms himself before saying, "I mean, we would miss you most terribly if you weren't here. That is, your family would miss you, and I and my family, well, we would miss the opportunity of getting to know you. I sincerely hope you won't deprive us of that chance." He's smiling at her, pouring all his considerable persuasive ability into his effort to talk this human into staying in the middle of a nest of vampires, and he is quite disgusted with himself, especially because he is not 100% sure that he isn't doing it to get a better chance at ingesting her delectable blood. The only thing is, when he imagines draining her, he feels unspeakably sad, as if something even better than her blood is gone forever. And so another part of him wants her to stay securely holed up with Rose so that she is not left vulnerable back in the outside world to his possibly-uncontrollable future urges, or even worse, the urges of any other vampire that might cross her path.

Plans shift dramatically when the Volturi are notified of Bella's existence. Who? Why? Maybe Victoria, as her revenge for James's death after the encounter in the baseball clearing, which happens after a tentative truce has been established, with Edward having been allowed to join the Cullen coven over Rose's vehement objections. Edward stays on his best behavior, even enrolling in Forks High with the rest of them, but isn't allowed any unsupervised time with Bella except for the biology class they share (Rose having been tricked by Edward and Alice into allowing it, to her outrage later). It's a tense atmosphere at the Cullens for several months, but as summer approaches, things are starting to get easier until Alice gets a vision of the Volturi coming to Forks and destroying Bella. Panicked planning ensues.

The problem is that Demetri has met the Cullen clan when they passed through Europe, and the Denalis…when their mother was killed? No, maybe before he joined the Volturi ranks. Maybe…maybe one of the Denali sisters turned him? By accident? And that was the impetus for them trying not to feed off their mates anymore? Anyway, the only ones in the Cullens' circle he hasn't met are… no, he has to have met them all, except Edward. Maybe Aro has been sending Demetri around, making the rounds of established covens for just this purpose: being able to track any vampire of interest.

Anyway, the only one – the ONLY ONE who Demetri won't be able to track is Edward. So no matter what scenario Rose and the others, but especially Rose, throws at Alice, it ends in Bella's death… except that (not proposed by Rose) of Edward taking Bella and fleeing. That option ends eventually – the means are unclear – with Bella becoming a vampire.

Rose is devastated, beside herself, and even considers killing Bella herself in order to spare her beautiful human child the two worse fates she sees. But Rose can't bring herself to do it in the moment she considers it, and then of course Alice and Edward are all over Carlisle to intercede. And he does.

It takes Carlisle and Emmett and Jasper coming in to Bella's room to subdue a hysterical Rose, while Esme and Alice gather up Bella and hand her off to an absolutely-intoxicated-with-anticipation-of-he-doe sn't-know-what Edward. As much as part of him wants to feel he's just been handed the party favor of a lifetime, the most perfect meal, a larger part of him is determined to do what is right and ethical for a wide variety of reasons, damn his own hellish discomfort.

Then, when Bella responds to his arms around her as he runs – putting in some distance the old-fashioned way before picking up wheeled transport in Nevada somewhere – by wrapping her arms around his neck and tucking her head against his chest, the bloodthirsty monster dies an almost complete death, replaced by the heart of a man unexpectedly, and unbelievably to himself, in love.

He cares for her alone for almost 6 months, while the others deal with all sorts of drama and complications, and Rose and Emmett are due to be executed for noncompliance with Volturi demands for Bella to be turned in when Bella, listening in when Edward believes her to be asleep, insists he turn her so they can go back together and fight for those she loves. They do, and the surprise nature of their return (timed with Alice and Jasper) and her gift allows them to win in a battle with the Volturi, taking out Jane, Alec and the dreaded Demetri.

Dialogue with Edward from Bella's change:

"Unnnngggh, it hurts! Why does it _hurt_?"

"It's the venom changing your body; making it stronger, making it not human anymore."

"For Rose! I'm doing this…ahhhhhh….for Rose!" "For Rose… for Rose… for Rose" she chants it until she doesn't speak at all any more, biting her lip so hard it bleeds – her last blood, and Edward kisses it clean, touching her everywhere, trying to make it better, desperately begging God to give him the strength to kill her and end her agony, and therefore his. But he doesn't, of course. And the agony quickly transforms to ecstasy, as they rescue Rosalie and Emmett, reunite their family, and begin a love-filled eternity together.


End file.
